The phenomenon of loneliness among the young. It's not the fault of mobile phones, but rather how a person is accepted by their surroundings, says a psychologist
They are surrounded by many people, but nobody truly knows them. Especially for young people, who often limit themselves to just a digital life, ordinary contact with others is lacking, and the result is the burning issue of today called loneliness.
They are young and lonely
A study by the Prince's Trust, which focused on the mental health of young people in the UK, brought alarming results. Up to 36% of respondents struggle with a long-term feeling of loneliness, 31% feel isolated, while more than half of all those approached say they find it difficult to establish social contacts and meet new people. But the UK is clearly not the only country grappling with this issue. The World Health Organization reports that one in six people worldwide experience loneliness, with surveys confirming that it is most often encountered by teenagers and young people.
Is loneliness also a painful reflection of the present time in the Czech Republic, as it is in our country?
"Yes, it is very likely that loneliness among young people is also a significant problem in the Czech Republic. Even though we may not have precise data, psychologists and parents, teachers and others are experiencing stories where young people don't feel accepted, they don't feel they have found their group - and this applies to various personality types according to the Theory of Types, even though some of them are more predisposed to it," says Sarka Mikova, psychologist for LP-Life.cz, author of the Theory of Types (Teorietypu.cz), and the author of a number of professional books.
She admits that this is a very serious phenomenon of our time, within which it is necessary to distinguish between the feeling of loneliness and social isolation.
"Much worse than isolation is how lonely a person feels. Paradoxically, we can feel lonely even in a group of people if we feel unaccepted and misunderstood. So it's not the loneliness itself, but the feeling of loneliness that is a major stressor,"
Míková states.
Seek the causes - they can be in the family
Where to find the roots of this phenomenon? Míková claims that people come into the world with a certain type of personality, which has its needs - if the surrounding environment does not take into account this innate brain setting and the certain needs associated with it and their satisfaction, a feeling of "not fitting in" arises - which can ultimately lead to loneliness. Typical examples are parents' commands like "stop daydreaming and do something proper". A child's brain, which draws energy and ideas from the inner world of its imagination, can subsequently feel unaccepted - just like a child whose parents reproach it for being lazy because it does not fulfill assigned commands immediately. Yet it needs to understand the logic of the requirements and is just looking for ways to do things efficiently. We could find more such examples, but in general it is about caregivers trying to guide the child in some way, but it is not always in harmony with its setting.
"Understanding what inherent brain wiring we are born with and the type of personality we naturally develop towards, helps people understand why no one understood them in childhood. They can rediscover their strengths and realize that they are not weird. And the feeling of loneliness is significantly reduced," says Míková.
That is why she does not consider the phenomenon of loneliness a modern phenomenon, it is just more apparent due to all modern technology and changes in lifestyle.
Digital life isn't the only culprit
The classic mantra that "everything is the fault of mobile phones and social networks" is not completely accepted by Míková for these reasons. She admits that social networks and the digital world can be an amplifier among laity without a feeling of real sharing, but certainly not the only factor. It depends on the personality, there are also those who need deeper relationships, so they can feel lonely even amongst a group of friends because superficial bonds are simply not enough for them. Or there are personalities who simply have different social needs than others. They are naturally more reserved and do not want to share with others what they are going through.
"For some personality types according to the Theory of Types, sharing emotions and actively establishing social contacts is a great step out of their comfort zone, and up until puberty they are less active in social contacts. It is in adolescence that they naturally open up to the outside world and develop more of their extraverted self. But in today's age, communication often takes place through digital technologies, without the possibility of seeing the other person's reactions in facial expressions and gestures," says Míková, adding that without the ability to practice direct interaction with people, it is not possible to function successfully in social interactions. They do not have the opportunity to develop empathy, they do not learn to listen, develop conversation, receive feedback. Logically, they do not succeed in social contacts and the feeling of isolation only increases.
"I have a sixteen-year-old son. I was watching TV in the living room and when I went to the kitchen to make some tea, I found him lying on the floor in the hallway. He was totally drunk. Meanwhile, he had been in his room the whole time playing some computer games! I am in shock from it, I was no different at his age, but I was acting out outside, with a group, except he drinks alone! He admitted that he has been doing this for a while, supposedly all his friends do the same. They steal alcohol from their parents, sip it at home while chatting online. Sometimes they just drink, alone. I am totally distraught about this and don't know what to do with him."
The forty-eight year old Kateřina B. confided in LP-Life.cz, fearing that her child is lonely.
According to Míková, such behaviour can be a manifestation of needs that are not fulfilled – for example the need for social connection, authentic relationships, a sense of belonging, that somebody really sees them. At such a moment, according to her, it is necessary for a parent to intervene in the situation, who will listen to what the child is saying, but without sympathizing. They will try to find alternatives, possibly in the form of activities that convey real connection, but at the same time admits that such behavior cannot be fulfilling in the long term.
"There's a fine line between pressure and support - we don't want to generate feelings of guilt, but we also don't want to ignore warning signs," describes Míková.
In such moments, parents simply have to get involved. They should be there for the child, providing support, listening, and ensuring safety. They guide their child, for example in the right choice of hobbies, which can provide a space where the child can express themselves and meet like-minded people. Parents offer the opportunity for change, but should not force a child to overcome their difficulties.
Never force into contact
However, "forcing" is not desirable in any age category.
"I really don't understand how my younger brother works. He is twenty-five years old, lives alone, but when he comes from work, he just sits at the computer. No dates, no trips or going out for a beer with friends, nothing. When I go on this topic, he tells me that he can chat with anyone online, that he doesn't need to go out to talk to someone, and that he likes it when he can turn off acquaintances online at any time. But this is surely not the same as real contact with people, I'm worried about him,"
says thirty-year-old Bára Z. for LP-Life.cz
"This is another very typical situation that I encounter in practice. Your brother may not be 'problematic' in himself - maybe he is the type of personality who prefers peace, solitude, the online world, or flexibility in when to open up. And you as a sister can be supportive. Not with forcing, but with understanding, offering, respecting his pace," states Míková.
Instead of pressure it is suitable to offer an active opportunity for change, a non-demanding action, which will not be big, something the person will not feel unfamiliar with, something that could make him happy. After all, it is an adult person, so it is mainly about learning that it is possible to live in harmony with his type of personality. An adult person has more control over social life, but works with other sensitive topics.
"In adulthood, loneliness is more associated with a feeling that nobody really needs me, that relationships are not authentic, lack a deeper meaning, or there is no one to share internal experiences with," concludes Miková.
Source: author text, own questioning, psychologist Šárka Miková, author of the Theory of Types
