I'm taking a Sicilian mafioso: I was his business card, a stranger and a "silent wife", who is not supposed to ask questions
The worst thing about a relationship with a mobster is the constant fear that permeates the daily life of the partner. Living in the shadow of the underworld means living in constant stress, where every step can have unpredictable consequences - from police raids to dangerous conflicts with enemies.
A mobster often lives in a world of lies, manipulation, and violence, which means that trust and sincerity in partnership are often unattainable ideals. A woman can thus lose her own freedom and independence because she is forced to adjust to the rules and moods of the man who often controls her life down to the smallest details. Social ties and reputation can additionally lead to isolation from family and friends, which multiplies feelings of loneliness and powerlessness. This lifestyle often puts the partner in a position where she has to deal not only with fear for her safety, but also with responsibility for children and the future of the family, which is also threatened due to the dark past of the father.
How did this story begin?
At first, it seemed like a dream to me - romantic, dramatic, the kind women imagine at night when they watch Italian movies about love and passion. But somewhere behind that luxury, sweet words, and gallantry was a world with its own rules, its own justice, and where love was not a feeling, but a duty. The story of my marriage to a mobster from Sicily did not start with blood, but it ended with tears, silence, and escape.
My name is Katarína. In 2015, while studying Italian at college, I decided to take up a summer internship in Palermo, a city full of history, citrus fragrances, and slow-paced life. At that time, I had no idea that this place also had its dark side. At a party, where a colleague invited me, I met Claudio. A stylish, charismatic man who instantly stood out above the others. He spoke fluent English, knew art, winemaking, and literature. He worked as a trader and formally he was. His family owned several restaurants, and an export and import company. What I didn't know at the time was the fact that Claudio not only "comes" from a powerful family, but is directly part of one of the Cosa Nostra clans.
Every evening he would send me messages, send flowers, sometimes leaving nameless gifts at the hotel reception. His effort was patient, unobtrusive, but thoughtful. After two weeks we had our first date - dinner by the sea, candles, wine, a live guitar. It seemed cliché to me, but I accepted it as fate.
At that time, I didn't know that Claudio was a member of one of the branches of Cosa Nostra, the traditional Sicilian mafia. By the time I met him, he had already undergone "initiation" - a ritual considered a lifelong commitment in mafia families. For me, Claudio was just a man who adored me. I had no idea that I had just entered a life from which only a few people return without consequences.
Pre-wedding traditions: Entering a world where women "submit"
After a year of intense relationship, which was initially like a movie, Claudio asked me to marry him. Even though his mother wasn't thrilled that I was a foreigner, she apparently understood that my "ignorance" could be an advantage for them.
Before the wedding, I was invited to a "women's gathering" - something between a bachelorette party and a rite of passage. We sat in the old house of his grandmother, all the women wore dark dresses and did not talk about marriage with love, but about a "dedicated woman, who knows how to be silent when necessary".
The day after our official engagement, Claudio took me to the old family villa, where a gathering of exclusively female relatives took place. I had to learn to be silent, not to ask, not to object. And I, madly in love, agreed with everything.
A few days later, a symbolic ritual took place - I received a dark blue scarf that belonged to Claudio's deceased sister.
Wedding as a manifestation of power
The wedding was magnificent. It took place on a private plot in a rural area near Palermo and he insisted that it had to be traditional - no photographers, no social media, just verified guests. Elegant, as their "style" requires - nothing eccentric, but everything luxurious.
The guests were mostly men in dark suits and women who were silent and sipped wine with a stone-like expression. Nobody spoke about work, everyone looked like they were from high society. But when I tried to find out who was who, everyone was silent. During the evening Claudio rose, approached me and publicly drank a glass of red wine in front of everyone, which he then symbolically poured into my palm. It was a gesture - from this moment on I am part of his world.
I understood that marriage is not about love, but about confirming power. Claudio "married a woman from the outside world" and subdued her. And the family accepted it.
Life after the wedding was a golden cage with locked doors
After the wedding, we moved to a villa on the outskirts of Palermo.
At first glance, we had everything. A villa with a garden, a chauffeur, a private chef, walks by the sea. However, the reality was different. Every step I made was monitored. They gave me a new phone - "for your safety," they said. But it was not possible to call anyone outside the "approved contact list". Social networks? Forbidden. My mother? I could call her only in the presence of Claudio's mother.
Claudio behaved like someone who had bought a new statue - beautiful, exceptional, but voiceless. Once when I tried to protest, he said coldly: "Your past was yours. Your future belongs to us." I was like locked in a showcase. He approved my books, filtered news, my television was blocked with the exception of two Italian channels. Even my clothes were chosen by his sister - supposedly so I wouldn't look "too modernist". One evening I found out that one of his "visits" was actually meaning he was going to "solve the problem". He came home with blood on his sleeve. That's when I realized that everything I had been ignoring was true.
At first I thought he was just old-fashioned, wanting to protect me. Once a year I was allowed to go to the Czech Republic, but only with his "accompaniment".
Escape and the End: When Love Turns into a Threat
Escape from such a world is not easy. For years I couldn’t imagine how to free myself. I was under control every day. I knew that the only chance would be if Claudio lost control for a moment, which happened on the trip to Rome.
I proposed a trip to the Vatican, wanting to "pray for the future child", as I told him.
The embassy helped me arrange my return. After arriving in the Czech Republic, I changed my name, address, and disappeared from the online space. Today, I live anonymously.
My divorce from Claudio did not officially happen, in his world there are no divorces. You just "lose your position" or "disappear". I got out, but not without consequences. This experience left a mental mark on me. Today, I believe that talking about it is the only way to cleanse myself.
Lea Garofalo: The woman who stood up to the mafia and paid for it with her life
Lea Garofalo was born on April 24, 1974, in the town of Petilia Policastro in Calabria, a region known for the presence of the 'Ndrangheta mafia organization. She grew up in an environment where the mafia was part of everyday life. In her youth, she got involved in a relationship with Carlo Cosco, a member of 'Ndrangheta, with whom she had a daughter, Denise.
After years of living in the shadow of the mafia, Lea decided to cooperate with the Italian authorities and provided them with valuable information about the activities of 'Ndrangheta. Her decision was brave, but at the same time exposed her to great danger.
In November 2009, her former partner Carlo Cosco lured her to Milan under the pretext of discussing the future of their daughter. There she was kidnapped, tortured and eventually murdered. Her body was burned and the remains were discovered only later.
The story of Ley became a symbol of courage and resistance against the mafia. Her fate is discussed in the television series "The Good Mothers", which has gained international recognition.
How someone becomes a member of the mafia
In order to become a member of the mafia - whether the original Sicilian mafia or the American branch known as Cosa Nostra - one must go through an initiation ceremony. This ritual involves an oath, blood, and a promise to abide by the rules of the organization. The first known mention of such a ceremony comes from Sicily in 1877.
Typical ceremony process
The candidate is introduced to the other members. The member who is conducting the ceremony pierces his finger, from which blood drops onto an image of a saint. This is then set on fire, and while it burns, the others quickly pass it from hand to hand and the candidate takes an oath of allegiance to the mafia. This ritual probably draws inspiration from older secret societies such as Beati Paoli.
In Sicily
The first known records of initiation rituals come from cities such as Monreale, Agrigento and Bagheria from the end of the 19th century. Leader of the Fasci Siciliani movement Bernardino Verro described that when he joined the mafia in Corleone, he had to undergo tests of loyalty and have his lower lip pierced - the blood soaked into the skull drawing. Later he became an opponent of the mafia and was murdered when he was the mayor of the city.
Rules
The mafia code is similar to that of other criminal groups and rules in American prisons. The basic principles include:
- Loyalty to the organization. No snitching.
- Common sense and team work. Do not engage in defeats.
- Honor, respect for women and the elderly.
- Vigilance, silence, courage. Those who can't stand the pressure have no business in the game.
- Personality and independence. Know the world.
Women and Morality
Witnesses report that members are not allowed to take advantage of other members' wives and should behave decently. Violation of these rules is punishable by death.
Omertà – the law of silence
The most important rule is Omertà – silence. It is an oath that no one will reveal anything about what is happening in the mafia. Violation means death.
Drugs
Many stories confirm that members were forbidden to trade drugs.
Love is not enough if it costs you freedom
Today I know that I wasn't in love with Claudio - but with his image - certainty, attention, elegance. Not all cages have bars - some have a view of the sea.
So if you ever become enchanted by a man who looks like a character from a movie - charming, mysterious, wealthy - ask. Before it's too late. Love that isolates you, intimidates and controls you, is not love. It's a prison and I married a jailer.
Source : author's text, koktail.sk, standard.co.uk, fbi.gov
