I'm taking an African king: Luxury, harem and reality that is kept secret
Imagine that the king is not just some "paper" ruler with no power, but a real ruler with absolute power over the entire nation. But beware: the reality of life with an African king, like Mswati III. from Eswatini, is not a walk in a rose garden. On the contrary, for many European women it would be quite a difficult awakening.
My name is Lucie. I am just an ordinary girl from Europe who believed in fairy tales. When the king approached me for the first time, I felt like I was in a dream. He was wearing a traditional cloak, crown on his head and something in his eyes completely fascinated me. "He chose me," I whispered to myself. I saw nothing but beautiful dresses, endless celebrations, and a golden throne, where one day I would sit as a queen. The wedding was magnificent. Music, dance, all eyes on me. But then came the first night in the palace and after it the second, third... I discovered that I was not the only one in this world he loved. There were other women in the palace, each beautiful, each craving for his attention. I began to notice how he distributed us like chess pieces. I felt lost. Foreign customs, unfamiliar rules, expectations that I could not fulfil. Each day was a struggle not only for his opinion, but also for my own dignity. I missed freedom. I missed the simple embrace without protocol, laughter without obligations, love without conditions. Today, when I look back, I know that I did not just marry a man. I also married his country, his people, his laws. And my own fairy tale? It evaporated faster than the scent of wedding roses.
Romantic dream? More like a shocking reality!
First meeting. Enchantment. The feeling that you are the only one chosen by the king from thousands. Sounds like a script from a Hollywood movie, right?
King Mswati III has more than ten wives. And he picks new ones quite regularly. The concept of one great love for the entire lifespan doesn't exist here. Even though being the king's wife also means being part of his dynastic plan, not a romance with a happy ending.
What does this mean in practice? That you will have to accept the fact that you are not the only sun in his sky. That sometimes you will wait days, weeks, before it's your turn. And that your love could be more about duty than about romantic candlelight evenings.
Shocking rituals: They will choose you in front of thousands of eyes!
Are you getting ready for a date? In Africa it works differently. The king chooses his bride during the grand festival Reed Dance - publicly, in front of ten thousand people. Imagine young girls, often still teenagers, often aged 16 to 22, dancing half naked with reeds in their hands in front of the king and his mother. Their appearance, movement, performance - all of this being assessed. And the king? At this moment he decides their fate!
He will choose the one that most fascinates him with beauty, charm, grace of movement, or simply based on a spontaneous inner feeling. Sometimes he won't choose immediately - he has the opportunity to invite the girl for a personal meeting, where they will chat and get to know each other. If he decides that this girl will become his wife, they will have a quick wedding.
How does a "quick wedding" with an African king work?
However, do not expect romantic engagement as we know it from our culture. The family of the chosen girl is immediately contacted by the king's representatives, who send them valuable gifts. In the past, it was mainly livestock, today it is luxury items, money, or a combination of both.
The wedding itself is quick, formal, and in the spirit of ancient customs. No white dresses, no tears of emotion at the altar. The bride is dressed in traditional attire, adorned with beads, fabrics and feathers, symbolizing her new position.
The wedding takes place in front of the royal family, the elders of the tribe, and selected guests.
The ceremony is more of an official confirmation of the new position in the palace rather than a romantic act of love. After the wedding, the new wife is introduced to the entire royal family and becomes part of the growing "royal harem family", where each wife has her own place and roles. The new wife usually gets her own house in the royal complex, but even as she becomes part of the wealth and prestige, a series of unwritten rules awaits her.
What does a wife have to sacrifice?
If you marry an African king, prepare for a world where nothing is as simple as you may think. In a palace where tradition and authority are prioritized, every housewife has to follow strict rules. And if you feel something is not right here, it's just the beginning.
The king is at the top and you are just a part of him
Don't think that your wishes are at the forefront. The king is up here and your place is always under his command. And if you think you can have the same rights, forget about it. Your decisions are limited and your views are just one of many for him. You are expected to always be ready to fulfill his wishes – whether in the bedroom or in social matters.
The rules are clear – bear children, preferably boys
In the royal palace, there is one "big goal" – to produce an heir. If you cannot give the king a boy, you become a "backup wife". Your place is threatened and the king may decide to look for another woman who will meet his expectations. Women in the palace compete as to who will bring into the world the greatest treasures, meaning sons. If you have girls, your position in the hierarchy drops.
Beware, the court is watching you
Every step you take is under scrutiny. You have no privacy in the palace, not even for a minute. While in Europe you can enjoy your personal freedom, here you are constantly monitored for what you do, what you say, and how you look. If your behavior does not fit into the royal etiquette, be prepared for that to quickly spread throughout the court. Suddenly you become the subject of gossip and scandals among the other wives.
Competition between wives - only one can be on top
When you become a wife, you have to adapt to the unwritten rules of hierarchy that prevail in the palace. Forget about being friends with everyone! Wives are each other's great competitors. Who deserves the most attention? Who will be closest to the king? These are the questions that determine which wife will be on top. And when you get to the position of a "lower" wife, you start to become almost invisible.
Your position is always under threat
If you think the king's decision is final, then you are mistaken. When you stop meeting expectations or get into the "fashionable" wave of unpopular decisions, you can be replaced very quickly. The king can choose another woman who is currently "in trend" and you will find yourself in a position that nobody wants. Royal life is not about security, it's about the constant struggle for position.
You must never lose your value in the eyes of the king
Your value is based on what the king says about you, how you behave and what you can achieve. Your skills, face, behavior, clothing - all of this is evaluated every day.
Traditions are inviolable, violation means scandal
Yet another inexorable rule: culture and traditions are sacred. If you deviate from cultural expectations, you may quickly fall into disgrace. What would be considered normal behavior in Europe can cause a huge scandal at the palace. So if you thought you'd be at home here, get ready for a tough school.
The palace full of women: Hell in a luxurious package
The palace is not just about luxurious salons and golden chandeliers. Above all, it's a world full of intrigue, competition, and constant comparison. Each of the king's wives has her place in the hierarchy - according to age, number of children, the king's favor. The arrival of a new wife arouses envy. Behind smiles and respectful bows often hide sharp glances and a silent battle for favor.
Jealousy is a daily occurrence
Are you sad when your husband neglects you? The palace doesn't wait for your tears. You are part of a system and your main task is to represent the royal family, not to deal with your feelings. Anyone who thinks life in the palace is like a princess movie should rather look at the Game of Thrones series, there they would find more parallels.
Cultural shock that will shake every European woman
How do you feel when someone tells you what to wear, how to appear in public? For many women from Europe, it would be a total shock. Even everyday things like diet, hygiene habits, and holiday traditions are significantly different. Forget about individual lifestyle, everything in the palace is subject to traditions.
And even though everything seems exotic and exciting at first, after a few months, you may find yourself crying and remembering your life in the Czech Republic.
Is this fairy tale worth it?
I'm taking an African king - a beautiful sentence, but it has a huge weight. It is about a huge compromise, about surrendering to a completely different life than what you are used to. About accepting that you won't always be in first place. That your own desires will have to be subject to the will of the dynasty. Not every woman is ready for such a life. While in Europe we prudently choose a groom according to character and compatibility, in Eswatini a single glance from the king might be enough - and everything will change.
So, dear ladies?
Would you exchange your freedom for the title of the queen's wife? What is most important? Would you be ready to live a life where "happiness forever" is not taken for granted, but a daily struggle?
Source: author's text, trtafrika.com, bbc.com, iol.co.za, theguardian.com, allafrica.com
