I'm marrying a professional soldier: We planned everything over the phone. I was arranging the wedding, he was dealing with logistics. Not wedding ones, military ones.
When a woman meets a soldier, she often does not know what it will all mean not only on her wedding day, but especially in everyday life, which is inextricably linked with the military profession. Being in a relationship with a professional soldier not only requires love, but also a great deal of patience, understanding, and determination.
When you meet a soldier, you're not just meeting a man, but primarily his rhythm, values, silence, and hierarchy. Your conversations often end with an untouched glass of wine on the table because they "called again from the unit". On the other hand, this love grows at a faster pace because every shared moment is precious.
When folklore meets the military
Preparing for a wedding with a soldier can be a completely different process than what we are used to.
While other couples are planning joint dates, he has a long-term training schedule. Planning a wedding with a soldier is a test of patience. Dates shift according to orders. Rehearsals happen without the groom. The family asks, "And where is he?" And the woman responds, "At training, but he should be coming."
Military weddings do not have to take place on a military base - and often they really do not. Even though many people imagine ceremonies in barracks or among crowds of uniformed colleagues, the reality is much more diverse. Many couples opt for traditional civilian or church weddings, which often carry the symbolism of military tradition such as the guard of honor or a march under an arch of swords. They blend with traditional wedding rituals like breaking a plate, dancing with the bride, and cutting the cake.
But for a woman, it has depth, she knows she won't be with him every night. That one day she will have to be both mother and father. That their life will be about departures and returns, not about stability. But even so, she says "yes".
Military Uniform
At a military wedding, the groom wears a military uniform, demonstrating the rich tradition and discipline that is part of military service. He may choose, for example, a classic army uniform. Uniforms are adorned with specific decorations, such as medals and insignia, each of which has its own meaning.
The number of places is limited by status and rank
At military weddings, well-defined rules and protocol are often applied, which may surprise civilian guests in particular. One of them is the division of chairs according to status and rank. Higher-ranking officers, commanders, or guests with a special status have pre-allocated seats that respect the hierarchy of the armed forces. This custom is not an expression of superiority, but an expression of respect for service, discipline, and order, which are the basis of everything in the army. The wedding thus reflects the values that soldiers live by every day.
Cutting the cake with a sword
If a member of the couple is an officer, the wedding ceremony can gain a special and impressive moment - cutting the wedding cake with a ceremonial sword. When cutting the cake, both partners put their hands on the sword handle and make the first cut together. It is not only a visually powerful moment, but also a gesture that expresses unity, equality, and mutual leadership in future marriage.
The wedding night might not be. But shared nights will be valuable
The wedding night, often associated with romance and a fresh start, may in this case be just a peaceful evening, during which other duties are already thought about. And the woman begins to realize that her new role is not just about love, but also about understanding.
Long-distance marriage
A soldier can also get married while on deployment abroad or while serving on the battlefield, but it is a more complex and exceptional process. In such cases, it usually involves a long-distance wedding or so-called foreign wedding. The missing partner hands over a notarized power of attorney to the person who will represent him at the ceremony. This type of marriage has been used in the Czech Republic in the past, especially during wars, for example during the second world war.
Mother, woman, psychologist, plumber - one body, multiple roles
It's not just a woman. She is an organizer. She is a psychologist. It's an independent unit that can handle children, finances, household, medical check-ups, administration, emotions, and fear. It often happens that a woman has to deal with car repairs, washing machine repairs, and sometimes relationship repairs herself. She is still a partner, ready to embrace him when he comes back, and not to ask too many questions when he is silent.
Military missions and unpredictable schedules, all this affects the rhythm of the household. Suddenly, Christmas is just over a video call.
A professional soldier has their own world. The world of orders, commands, discipline, and silence. Even if he loves, he doesn't express it as much as a civilian does.
And yet it is not a relationship without love. It's just different. It's quieter, deeper, hidden in gestures. In the fact that he writes her a letter once a month. In the fact that the first thing he does when he comes home is to embrace her. One of the biggest challenges is learning to perceive his silence. A soldier comes home from an environment where his weakness is not expressed. Where crying remains in the field. Where memories can hurt, but they are not talked about.
Returns That Aren't Simple
When a soldier returns home, it's not like in a romantic film. The children have gotten used to it, the wife has her own system, he has his own rhythm. A new process of reunion begins.
The return is often the hardest part of the equation. They got used to it even when apart. And now they are learning, even though they are together again.
Every return is a bit like a second wedding - with uncertainty, patience, and a new setting. Not everyone can handle this type of relationship. Even if being in love is not enough. You have to be resilient. You have to be strong in instances when you want to cry. It's necessary to have faith in a love that lacks daily touches, but has depth and fidelity.
A community that understands itself
Soldiers' wives instinctively recognize each other. They are women who know what it means to wait. Who knows what it's like to fall asleep with fear. And at the same time they know that they can handle all of this not because they have to, but because they want to.
People around them often don't understand. "Why did you marry him? You know he'll never come home." But these women respond differently: "Because when he's home, I know it's worth it."
Soldier's children grow up with a hero, but also with an empty chair at the table
When it comes time for children, it's another challenge. Birth? Maybe he won't be there. First steps? Maybe he'll only see them over video. First sentence? Maybe he will only be transcribing it into a message. The mother must explain why the father won't come to the celebration. Why he's not at the school football game. Why he cries when the phone rings.
But at the same time, she teaches them what honor, courage, and forgiveness are. Children grow up in an environment where love is not measured by the number of days, but by the intensity of moments.
The children of these men are taught to value every moment.
They are growing up knowing that their father is a hero. But also with the fact that heroes are not always home. Mom is their point of stability. Mom is the one who never leaves.
Surviving with a soldier is difficult. But it can be the strongest thing you experience in your life
Marrying a professional soldier is the beginning of a lifelong commitment, born not only at the altar, but every day anew. It's a combination of two worlds, civilian and military, which often do not understand each other, but still try to do so.
Being a soldier's wife is not about weakness, but about loyalty at a time when there is no one to call. About love, which does not have many common photos, but has thousands of stories.
Life with a professional soldier is not for every woman. It's a world where silence counts as trust, where absence does not necessarily mean indifference, where every shared minute is worth its weight in gold.
And if a woman can wait, understand, stay silent, believe, forgive and at the same time does not forget to take care of herself, then she has a chance for a love, which is not perfect, but it is real.
A sincere testimony of a soldier about love, marriage, and life on two fronts
My name is Martin, I am thirty-six, and I am a professional soldier. I am not a hero, someone has to be a soldier. However, living with myself is hard, knowing that my wife is alone at home for everything.
The wedding I almost missed
We met through a friend. She was calm, kind, intelligent, and very polite. It's a strange term, but we use it often in the army - the world of civilian life and the world of service are like two foreign languages. It takes a while until they understand each other.
I asked her to marry me when I had four days off between returning from a mission and the next training. We planned everything over the phone and emails. She was arranging the wedding, I was handling logistics. Not wedding ones. Military. But I made it. I managed to do it. And it was a beautiful day.
I remember her crying in a white dress as she walked towards me. And I looked her in the eyes and I told her - I vow to be faithful, even though I know that many days I will have to leave her alone. And that was a difficult commitment.
"Are you even married?" - a question a friend asked me on base
There is no time for long talks at the base. But sometimes a moment comes when the guys have coffee and start to chat. One of them once asked me: "And your wife? Is she still with you?" This question hurt me. Because yes, I was married. But at that time, I had already been away from home for five weeks. No anniversary, no dinner, not even an ordinary day. And then I realized that living with me is like living in a shadow.
How to Handle Marriage with a Soldier - Practically and Psychically
The basis of every functioning relationship is understanding and accepting the reality, which does not always look ideal. This is doubly true in a marriage with a soldier.
First and foremost, it is important not to expect perfection, but honesty. Another pillar is communication. We often write letters - yes, even traditional ones, written by hand. It is also important not to take things personally. When he doesn't keep plans, it's not because he doesn't want to.
And finally - creating shared rituals. We have our own special day, always the fourteenth day of the month, because on the fourteenth we wrote for the first time. Even if we are far apart, we both have a drink that day and think of each other. It may seem like a trifle, but it's the trifles that make big things more bearable.
Being a soldier does not mean being devoid of feelings
Many believe that soldiers are tough. The opposite is true. The soldier feels he just doesn't have time to talk about it. He knows that every day could be his last. That's why he suppresses many things in himself.
But when he comes home, when he opens the door and sees the woman waiting for him, at that moment everything breaks and even the toughest guy changes
A message to other men in uniform
If you are reading these lines and have a woman at home who trusts you every day, even when you are not at home - respect her. Let her know that you know about her. In messages, in letters, in silence. Because she lives in your presence - even if perhaps only in hints.
And if you're a woman who has a soldier at home - don't fight against what is part of him. Learn to fight with him - side by side, even though we serve the homeland from a distance.
Source: author's text, own questioning, brides.com, quora.com, theknot.com
