Gifts as a Christmas killer: Forget about them, you'll be better off without them
You still haven't purchased all the gifts, even though you know that Santa is literally around the corner. It annoys you, it stresses you, you want peace, but it's not possible. Those damn gifts are to blame for everything. Or maybe it's more your expectations.
Expectations hurt and destroy holiday peace
Even though the purchase of Christmas gifts should primarily be about the joy of giving, it becomes a silent joy killer of life and Christmas for many people. Every year around this time it's the same: Christmas Eve is approaching, "I have to" get gifts. But... You don’t have time, you lack inspiration, you're not interested in it, you don’t want to spend unnecessarily – there are plenty of reasons, but the biggest problem is that buying gifts (and of course their wrapping, another demanding task) is actually an obligation.
"Some types of people have a strong sense of responsibility and harmony. They tend to take care of others as a duty. But gifts should be a sign of sincere interest, not performance,"
explains for LP-Life.cz psychologist Šárka Miková, the author of the Theory of Types.
Yes, if you classify among the types of people who need to fulfill the expectations of others - in this case, it is the expectation that you will arrange gifts, preferably fantastic ones - you unwittingly become a victim of the downside of holidays. But as the expert emphasizes, everything can be changed, including this gift blight.
The first step to prevent the gift phenomenon from destroying you is to lower your expectations. Those are indeed one of the main sources of all Christmas stress. Your brain generates dopamine with high expectations, but if reality then does not match the idea you had created in advance, dopamine drops sharply and a feeling of frustration comes. And how to tame these expectations in practice? Say it out loud!
I hate shopping for gifts
You don't have to turn into the Grinch and reject all of Christmas, but simply try to have an open conversation about gifts with your loved ones.
"It helps to talk about what everyone really needs from Christmas. Children often want experiences, the presence of parents and attention, while adults want peace and a bit of space," Miková recommends.
If you set certain rituals in the family and among friends, everything will be easier. For example, you can agree that adults will not give each other gifts at all, or only exchange something symbolic.
"For many years, we have a rule in our family that everyone brings one gift under the tree. Inside, there can only be what fits into a budget of five hundred crowns. We then number all the packages and after dinner we have a raffle. It's always a lot of fun, and no one worries that they have too much or too little for others. In my opinion, this is the ideal solution for ten people," says twenty-seven-year-old Alice for LP-Life.cz.
Even for children, the gift-giving process can be simplified, for example by the aforementioned experience gift, during the fulfillment of which everyone will be together. This will strengthen family cohesion, while also reducing the number of unnecessary things you would have to arrange under the Christmas tree. In addition, you will teach children something, namely the art of finding joy in simplicity, not in permanent stimulation. It's up to you how you set the rules, but if you say in advance that each family member will receive one tangible gift, one experiential one, and will be able to choose some Christmas custom or ritual to be implemented together, you will be positively shaping children's psyche and their relationship to money.
Don't choose a gift according to yourself
However, even with the rule of one gift, you can still be in a tight spot. What should you choose to please? As Miková explains, this is where being able to recognize different personality types will help you. Everyone is different and if you want to choose the perfect gift, you can't primarily choose it according to yourself, through your own needs, but with insight into the soul of the other person.
For example, a type with a need for stability and reliability will appreciate a traditional gift, even one that they chose themselves. They don't require a surprise. Then there are types with a need for deeper meaning and uniqueness and they crave to surprise others, because they naturally crave it themselves. They would be truly pleased if the giver figured out what would excite them. In romantic relationships, they then take it as a proof of love, that the other person cares about them. But you know, for such people, unwrapping gifts can end in tears.
"Why did he give me a blender when I bought him a ski trip he'd been dreaming of for so long? After all, I hardly ever cook!" asks thirty-three-year-old Karla, who to this day can't forgive her boyfriend for "failing" under the Christmas tree last year. Unfortunately, she had certain expectations...
Just don't buy me anything
However, it is even more complicated to give gifts to those who have their mantra: I don't want any gifts!
"This is exactly the case with my grandmother. I understand, she's almost ninety, apart from health she really doesn't need anything, but I can't imagine serving her NOTHING under the tree," confessed LP-Life.cz forty-five-year-old Dana. So she usually brings something practical for the kitchen, good coffee, expensive oil, or candle, just something grandma might use.
But the above is actually quite "normal", there are types of people who do not want to be a burden or cannot accept gifts. For them, it's just stress, they feel they also have to come up with something great, even though no one wants anything like that from them.
Perhaps that's what the true Christmas idyll is all about - expecting nothing and instead enjoying a different type of abundance. Such as people being together, gathering, creating rituals that they will enjoy. "This creates emotional comfort and wealth that lasts," concludes Miková.
Source: author's text, own inquiry, psychologist Šárka Miková, author of the Theory of Types
